12:13pm: Being a mother
We were having lunch when my doughter casually mentioned that she and her husband had been thinking about “creating full family”.
“We make kind of Gallup poll now, - she said smiling, - What do you think – should I bear a baby?”.
“It’ll change your life”, - I said trying to look calm.
“I know – no more long sleeping on weekends and no holidays far away”.
But it wasn’t what I meant.
I was looking at my daughter trying to put my thoughts in correct words. I wanted her to understand something she would never get at pre-birth trainings.
I wanted to tell her that phisical wounds after childbirth will scin over very fast but being a mother will give her such bleeding emotional wound that will never close up. I wanted to warn her that from the moment she has baby she will always read newspapers with the only one thought “What if this had happend to my child?!”. That every single aircrash, every fire will drive her crazy. That when she looks at the pictures of children dying from hunger she will think that there is nothing worse in the world than death of your child.
I looked at her stylish outfit and impeccably groomed finger nails, thinking that it doesn’t matter how elegant she is - motherhood will bring her to the primitive level of she-bear who is protecting her bear-cub.
That worried shout “Mom!” will make her immediately to leave everything – either souffle or the best crystal glass.
It seemed to me I had to warn her that not depending on years she had spend to reach desired carrier it will suffer anyway. She can hire a babysitter, but once she starts working again she will think every moment about sweet smell of her child’s head. And she will have to be strong not to rash home just to prove her baby is OK.
I wanted my daughter to know that everyday “small” problems will never be that small any more. That visit of five-years boy to men’s toilet in MacDinalds will become a real dilemma – matter of independency and gender will be put on one side and fear that there, in the toilet, can be sexual assaulter of kids – on the other.
Looking at my attractive daughter I wanted to tell her that she can loose the weight gained during pregnancy; but she will never be able to get rid of motherhood and become the former girl. That her life – so important for her now – won’t have the same value after birth of a child. That she will forget about herself at the moment when she has to save her baby; that she will learn to hope for realisation – no! Not her dream! – dreams of her child.
I wanted her to know that the scar after Cesarean operation or stretchings will become a point of proudness for her. That her relations with husband will change in the different way than she thinks. I would like her to understand how srong you can love a man who carefully puts powder on your baby and never refuses to play with it. I think she will learn what it mens to fall in love again with the reason that now seems absolutely not-romantic. I wanted my daughter could feel that connection between all women of Earth who tried to stop wars, crimes and driving drunken.
I wanted to describe for my daughter feeling of extasy when mother sees her kid learning how to ride bike. I wanted to capture for her the laugh of a child who is for the first time in it’s life touches soft hair of puppy or kitten. I wanted her to feel such exciting joy that it can hurt...
I noticed a surprised glance of my daughter and realized I had tears in my eyes.
“You will never regret it”, - I said at last. Then I streched over the table, took her hand and prayed in my mind for her, for myself, for all the women who devote themselves to this most wonderfull mission.
Share this story with mother you know or with your friends who are going to become mothers.
And let you be always next to someone you love.
There is no passion in this world without a slight taste of insanity.
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